Reviews For No One Wants You When You Lose
Name: betani (Signed) · Date: Sep 25, 2009 09:00 AM · For: No One Wants You When You Lose
I understand about getting back into the grove of things! One thing was confusing though during the story I thought Laura was on New Caprica then she was in Bill's cabin. Perhaps you could put a page/line break or something to denote the passage of time.
Author's Response: Ok person #2 who didn't get the time/place change. Thank you telling me!
Name: lidarose13 (Signed) · Date: Sep 25, 2009 06:01 AM · For: No One Wants You When You Lose
Good effort, I liked Bill stopping Lee cold by admitting Laura did know. Also effective that Bill can't even say her name.
You might want to reformat this by putting the flashbacks in italics or setting it off somehow. It gets confusing at the end as to what time frame Bill is in and that stops the flow.
Author's Response: Thanks Lidarose13. Yeah I was thinking about a little break incase in got confusing.
Name: mulch11 (Signed) · Date: Sep 25, 2009 02:57 AM · For: No One Wants You When You Lose
“You’re just an old man who can’t admit to the woman he loves that he loves her. I mean does she even know?”
“Yeah.” …I so hope he told her at least ones that he loves her….
Author's Response: Hey Mulch11! I hope so too.
Name: whatever (Signed) · Date: Sep 24, 2009 08:39 PM · For: No One Wants You When You Lose
"Can't argue with that."
Nope, I guess you can't.
Glad to see you writing!
Author's Response: Thanks whatever!